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Merry Christmas, Everyone

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, sure, but it’s awfully hard to enjoy it when so many people have so many incorrect opinions about Christmas. So, as a public service, I’ve provided some guidance in a few important areas. It’s our hope here at helveticka world headquarters that, armed with the following information, your holiday will be “the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny [redacted] Kaye.”

Top 5 Christmas Movies of All Time

Die Hard
Christmas Vacation
It’s a Wonderful Life
White Christmas
Elf

5 Most Delicious Christmas Treats

stollen
shortbread
gingerbread
sugar cookies
fudge

5 Best Adult Beverages to Consume (in Moderation) on Christmas

glögg
single malt Scotch, neat
Trinidad sour
hot buttered rum
Irish coffee

5 Most Thoughtful Presents to Give Aaron (from lowest to highest price)

this
this
this
this
this

5 Worst Christmas Songs Ever

“Do They Know It’s Christmas” Band Aid
“Wonderful Christmastime” Paul McCartney
“Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” John & Yoko / The Plastic Ono Band
“Last Christmas” Wham!
anything by Mariah Carey or Celine Dion



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