Scientists from Skynet Case Western Reserve University have created an army of cyborg cockroaches.
Scientists from Skynet Case Western Reserve University have created an army of cyborg cockroaches.
The somewhat less-than-overwhelming response to yesterday’s post can only mean that
The third possibility is too depressing to believe; the second is simply not worth considering. We’re therefore assuming the first.
But just in case, we’re going to throw a little red meat to our audience to see if anyone’s out there. Ready?
Resolved: “We Built This City” is the stupidest song ever written.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsdj9NRzqC4&feature=related
To either affirm or negate the resolution, comment below. Whoever identifies a song stupider than “We Built This City” will receive a free bag of Designer Blend coffee—our proprietary brew from Cravens Coffee Company.
Contest closes Thursday, January 19 at 5 p.m. PST. The winner, determined by entirely subjective criteria, will be identified in Friday’s blog post.
Let the insanity begin.
I’m being serious here, folks. At what point in our history did someone say to himself, “Hey, you know what the English language really needs? Another synonym for request.”
Anyone?
BONUS: All kinds of AMD-branded swag for the first person to, in the comments section below, make a compelling case for this loathsome practice.
One of my favorite reads in 2011 was Onward by Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz. Its subtitle sums up the author’s story pretty well: How Starbucks Fought for Its Life without Losing Its Soul. These words accurately capture how Schultz regained control of the company in early January of 2008. (He had stepped aside to become chairman of the board in 2000.) It’s full of astonishing details of his laser-like focus and commitment to reinvigorating the Starbucks brand. Every CEO should be reading this book. So should every business major. And so should anyone else involved in the pursuit of building a charismatic brand.
Personally, I’ve always loved the Starbucks brand. What’s not to like? A great product, designed to be delivered in an atmosphere surrounded by quality and consistency. Not to mention full benefits to each and every one of the company’s part- and full-time partners (they don’t refer to them as employees).
Here’s an excerpt from early in the book:
There are moments in our lives when we summon the courage to make choices that go against reason, against common sense and the wise counsel of people we trust. But we lean forward nonetheless because, despite all risks and rational argument, we believe that the path we are choosing is the right and best thing to do. We refuse to be bystanders, even if we do not know exactly where our actions will lead.
This is the kind of passionate conviction that sparks romances, wins battles, and drives people to pursue dreams others wouldn’t dare. Belief in ourselves and in what is right catapults us over hurdles, and our lives unfold.
For any person looking for evidence that Howard Schultz is indeed a visionary, I’ll remind you that after he took control of Starbucks on January 7, 2008, the company’s stock price bottomed out at $7.17. Last Friday it closed at $47.36. And for good measure, Schultz was recently named Fortune magazine’s 2011 Business Person of the Year.
Now, every time I buy my mocha it puts a smile on my face.
It’s one thing for gullible college students (but I repeat myself) to go around wearing Che Guevara T-shirts; it’s quite another for a luxury auto maker to hitch its brand to the odious little psychopath.
Hey Mercedes: You sure you want to be associated with the guy who said that “to send men to the firing squad, judicial proof is unnecessary”—and then followed that up by murdering hundreds of innocent people? You sure you want to cross-brand with the guy who partnered with the KGB and the East German Stasi to create the Cuban secret police? You sure you want to honor a man who jailed poets, musicians, and artists (when he wasn’t shooting them), and whose legacy has made librarians enemies of the state?
You’d think that a company who received arms contracts and tax breaks from the Nazis in exchange for its support would be a little more careful in 2012.
Philosopher Stan Persky says that the “social purpose of reading books is to become a more effective participant in creating a better world.” A bit much, perhaps, but he’s surely correct in suggesting that certain books “can provide a sufficiently sustained reading experience that makes possible informed engagement with the political, cultural, and moral issues of our time.”
The problem? Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Angry Birds. More about the impending idiocracy.
Well, it happened again.
This time, however, I wasn’t about to conclude our staff meeting until my point was made. I was mad as hell. This is an outrage!
“AMD is not even on the list in the Best Print Design Business category as judged by the readers of Inland Business Catalyst!” I shouted. “We’ve never even been on the [expletive deleted] list!”
The echo of my pounding fist receded; the silence in the room was deafening.
I noted—much more calmly—that even my own dry cleaning service was voted best in Spokane. (Flowers and a congratulatory note are on their way to Clark’s Cleaners, by the way.)
Discussion centered on how we were going to take matters in our own hands and ensure victory next year. My senior designer, unusually quiet up until then, offered a suggestion: “Let’s send an email campaign to all of our clients to increase AMDs word-of-mouth value.”
Brilliant, I thought—but when are we going to have time to do that?
My writer yawned, stretched, and brushed the donut crumbs from his belly. “Maybe,” he said, “we should interview the Best Local Business Man to gain insight on what it takes to make it all the way to the top.”
Great idea. Too bad I’ve already been fired once by Walt Worthy in my career.
“Come on, people,” I yelled. “We got nothin’.”
Silence.
And then it hit me: all we need to do is invent a new category. “If Catalyst can have a Best Parking Lot Maintenance Business*,” I said, the realization of my genius overwhelming even me, “then why not a Best Design Firm East of Division category?”
The clouds parted, the sun shone, and an angelic chorus filled the air.
“Damn, we’re good” someone mumbled. “Pass the donuts.”
Meeting adjourned.
*A hearty congratulations to Arrow Concrete & Asphalt Specialties.
Today is the birthday of our fearless leader, who was born the same year Hugh Hefner opened his first Playboy Club in Chicago, “The Flintstones” appeared for the first time on TV, and a gallon of gas could be had for a quarter. Now, we’re not suggesting CK is old or anything. It’s just that, well…he’s not young.
Be sure to wish him well!
From today’s edition of the Charlotte Observer:
There’s a perfectly good explanation, of course. Which is probably why Baron Davis is being such a good sport about it. Still…it sounds mighty painful.
Sound advice on dangling modifiers from The New York Times. Be sure to glance through the comments that follow, where you’ll find everything from the moronic (“There is no need of rigorous grammatical proofreading in everyday NYT articles.”) to the sublime (“I look forward to a future column on the collapse of agreement between collective nouns and the pronouns that follow them.”).
Oh, and happy new year.
The latest PROOF! issue (no. 6) tells the story of local fly-tying master John Newbury.
PROOF! is a biannual publication dedicated to featuring a very creative individual while showcasing Johnston Printing’s capabilities. AMD is responsible for story development, research, design, and writing. The current issue features the beautiful photography of Anthony (Tony) Roslund, who recently joined J. Craig Sweat Photography.
To learn more about this free publication, or sign up to receive future copies, just visit proof.johnstonprinting.com.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Having made my feelings about Twitter known on at least two occasions (here and here), it pains me somewhat to admit that I’ve actually tried it. And no, it wasn’t horrifying.
Let me be clear: I don’t tweet. That would be dumb. I do, however, follow a couple of people whose viewpoints I respect and who often learn of things before the rest of us do. It was from Twitter, in fact, that I first heard of the deaths of Hitchens, Havel, and that North Korean whack-job…Kim something or other.
Favorite feed so far? Grammar Monkeys. They’ve been having some fun with verbing this afternoon:
“The pilot was a Federal Flight Deck Officer, permissioned by the U.S. Transportation Security Administration to carry a firearm.”
“You’d rather obsolete yourself a little bit than have someone else do it,” McNerney said.
“Traffic-copping the situation was a Coast Guard unit established after Katrina…”
These are so outrageously bad I thought they were made up. Sadly, they’re real. The first is from a Reuters wire report; the second, Boeing CEO James McNerney; the third, AP writer Alan Sayre.
Makes you wonder if these guys have to wear a helmet when they go outside.
Many of us don’t realize how brand colors impact a viewer’s visual senses and emotional feelings. Since we’re in the holiday season, lets examine the color RED. Like all colors, red has both positive and negative connotations. Either way, it’s designed to attract your attention.
Why red’s hot. It’s deemed the warmest of all colors. Red is energetic, powerful, exciting, and aggressive. It suggests confidence, courage, and strength. Extroverts love it. Red is passionate, intense, and stimulates desire. (February 14 comes to mind.) In China, red is a good luck color and represents happiness and prosperity.
What it says about you. If you like red, then you’re probably outgoing (or aspire to be). You’re ambitious, restless, and possibly unaware of your own shortcomings. You have a zest for life, but are likely impulsive. Your cup is always half full and you become bored easily—which means you’ve probably stopped reading this by now.
So what’s not to like about red? It can mean danger—think fire trucks and stop signs—or it can be used to represent anger and violence. “In the red,” “red herring,” or just plain “red flag” all have negative meanings in our society. The devil is rendered in red (but then, so is cupid) and, depending on where you live, it may mean you’re a communist. Red roses may be beautiful, but they also have thorns which, if you’re not careful…
Who’s seeing red? It’s not the most favorite color of either men or women, ranking about third or fourth for both genders. Familiar consumer brands that roll out the red carpet are Coca Cola, Target, Knoll, Nintendo, Colgate, Jack in the Box, Ferrari, and Texaco. And while there’s lots of reds in the Pantone color guide, I’ve always felt PMS 185 was the reddest of reds.
Christopher Hitchens has succumbed to cancer. Few writers of our age could turn a phrase like Hitch—a man who, frankly, would have sneered at the encomiums occasioned by his death. A contrarian by nature and an atheist by design, he would’ve really hated his passing being marked by Arvo Pärt’s “Da Pacem Domine” (Grant peace, Lord). But the sentiment stands.
[audio:https://helveticka.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/01-Da-pacem-Domine.mp3|titles=01 Da pacem Domine]