Weltanschauung (noun; Ger.) The overall perspective from which one sees and interprets the world; the sum of one’s essential views.

Morgan had to admit that she simply couldn’t come to terms with Aaron’s Weltanschauung. Sure, he dressed nice, but it was nothing more than a thin veneer masking boorish opinions, outmoded ideas, and—worst of all—a churlish manner.

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When the missus and I set off on a short walk through Palisades Park last weekend, I fully expected that the trail, which parallels BNSF’s Columbia River Line, would offer up magnificent views of downtown Spokane. What I didn’t expect—apart from the fact that the same trail bisects an active archery range—is this:

I’m a bit conflicted. Obviously this is illegal, but there are some pretty impressive skills on display here. And it’s big. The concrete on which it’s painted is part of an abutment enabling hikers to pass under the railroad tracks. It’s also more than a mile from the nearest road, which means that (1) this was a pretty dedicated effort, and (2) most people will never see it. Which I suppose is part of its charm—but also kind of a shame.

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So, CK has been in Greeley, Colorado all week, which got us thinking: “How long will it take CK to travel home from Greeley?” So we did some math. Below, in no particular order, some answers to that question.

If CK were to walk: 340 hrs

If CK were to drive at the legal speed limit: 15 hrs 7 mins

If CK were to bike: 92 hrs

If CK were to fly on a commercial airplane: 1 hr 3 min drive from Greeley to Denver International Airport, 2 hr 22 min flight from DIA to GEG, totaling 3 hrs 25 mins

If CK were to ride a motorized wheelchair at max speed: 209 hrs

If CK were to ride a Segway at max speed: 83 hrs 45 mins

If all roads from Greeley to Spokane were replaced by the world’s fastest roller coaster: 11 hrs

If CK were a blue-fin tuna and all roads from Greeley to Spokane were replaced by water: 24 hrs

If CK were to hop on a zeppelin: 9 hrs 30 mins

If CK were to borrow Harry Potter’s broomstick, the Firebolt: 5 hrs 20 mins

If CK were to catch a ride on the Millennium Falcon: .4104 nano-seconds

Safe travels, boss!

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So, today is Nintendo’s 126-year anniversary. Those of you who remember a time before Mario are probably doing the math in your heads right now. And yes, that’s way more years than might seem plausible. Nintendo’s company founding back in 1889 pre-dates most of what we would consider “technology” (except for that one time). Nintendo started as a manufacturer of Hanafuda cards, Japanese playing cards that literally translate to “flower cards.” It’s is a slow, thoughtful game, and as much as I love jumping around and saving Hyrule, I find that there is a grace to Hanafuda that has yet to be matched by any other Nintendo game.

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There was apparently a bit of a kerfuffle last week when Kellita Smith, the actress who stars in SyFy’s Z Nation, told an interviewer that Spokane is “almost apocalyptic ready.”

You see, Z Nation—a zombie series so gloriously campy that it could only appear on the same network that gave us Sharknado, Sharknado 2: The Second One, and Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!—is filmed in Spokane. Smith was simply pointing out the benefits of working in an area in which you’re never lacking in post-apocalyptic settings.

That was how I took her comment, anyway. After all, I shot the above photo just a mile east of Gonzaga University—a 20-minute walk, fer cryin’ out loud. Others, however, took umbrage, predictably using social media to scold Smith for being, among other things, a “terrible person.” Yawn.

Here’s the thing, folks: Smith is not only babe-a-licious, she’s also right. And you know what? That’s not a bad thing.

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I recently found out that what I’ve been calling a “black” iPhone all these years has a much more absurd title: “Space Gray.” In an age where parents name their kids things like Sandman and Ruckus, it’s no surprise that Apple would reach into the great celestial beyond in order to secure their place in the history of technology and color naming. What really got to me, aside from the clear dilemma between “space” and “gray,” was the air of mystique about the name, inspiring me to get to the bottom of just what Space Gray is anyway. A quick google search made the answer pretty clear: no one really knows.

I was specifically looking for a hexcode, something concrete to which I could tie my understanding of “Space Gray,” but what I found was inconclusive. My initial search turned up #a5adb0, #858487, #b4b5b9, #666666, and #CCCCCC. Unsatisfied, I tried the pull-an-image-into-photoshop-and-use-the-eyedropper approach which was, of course, useless.

From the evidence, I can only conclude that “Space Gray,” like crop circles and the source of many of Ripley’s problems, is extraterrestrial in origin, most likely gifted to Steve Jobs during a secret diplomatic mission to the Andromeda Galaxy. Thanks, aliens. I guess…

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At this year’s Spokane County Interstate Fair, visitors can check out beef and dairy cattle (including a particularly impressive display of Texas Longhorns), goats, pigs, sheep, chickens, ducks, geese, rabbits…the usual stuff. There are also some “exotic” animals, like a pair of Patagonian cavies and a newborn zebra. A number of Boer goats—first introduced to the U.S. in 1993—are on hand, as well as a handful of Dexter cattle, once considered a rarity but now, according to the Livestock Conservancy, a “recovering breed.”

But perhaps the most endangered species on display (one whose habitat is decreasing at an alarming rate) is the Great American Smoker, seen above. Unlike the other animals at the fair, no physical enclosure is necessary for a group of G.A.S.—the collective noun is “cloud”—since the individuals naturally congregate in those areas designated for them.

Biologists have observed that both the population and the demographics can shift at a moment’s notice, indicating that the cloud forms out of expediency rather than a shared familial bond. This effect has been likened to a snowflake or fingerprint: no two G.A.S. clouds are alike. Moreover, migratory patterns are impossible to predict, even with computer modeling.

Thankfully for attendees, though, fair officials have thoughtfully set aside several spaces to encourage nesting. Called “smoking areas,” they’re nearly invisible to the untrained eye—but their approximate locations have been marked on this map.

Happy hunting!

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