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Merry Christmas, You Wonderful Old Building and Loan!*

As we at the last word prepare to settle our brains for a long winter’s nap, we pause to wish everyone a very merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Our gift to you? Some of the most ethereally beautiful music ever composed by man: Arvo Pärt’s Da pacem Domine, performed by the Estonian Philharmonic Chamber Choir.

[audio:https://helveticka.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/01-Da-pacem-Domine.mp3|titles=01 Da pacem Domine]

Thanks for reading—and see y’all in 2011!

*If you don’t get the reference, run—don’t walk—to the nearest retailer that stocks DVDs and purchase It’s a Wonderful Life. You can thank me later.

It’s a Christmas Miracle!

To help combat the daily drudgery of churning out word after word under the baleful watch of a whip-cracking tyrant, I’ve been keeping an orchid in the window at my desk—a reedstem epidendrum that usually blooms in mid-January.

Much to my surprise, the first flower opened over the last weekend, and today there are five.

Pass the Skin

As I look out my office window at the silent majesty of a winter’s morn; the clean, cool chill of the holiday air; I’m reminded that I’ve been meaning to say something about the hyphen.

Ever hear of a compound modifier? It’s a situation in which two words work together to describe one noun. Like “brown-eyed girl,” for instance. Or “high-jumping grasshopper.”

Both “brown-eyed” and “high-jumping” are compound modifiers; the hyphen is employed to clarify the meaning of the phrase. Because without it, the second example—”high jumping grasshopper”—could very well indicate a jumping grasshopper after one too many bong hits.

Just yesterday, I saw a Wendy’s billboard on Division advertising something called “skin on fries.” Given that the folks at Wendy’s are surely smart enough to know the compound modifier/hyphen rule, it can only mean that the fast-food chain, in an apparent homage to The Silence of the Lambs, has come up with an entirely new way to season your fries.

Star of Wonder…

Discover magazine’s Bad Astronomy blog has picked the year’s best astronomy photos. Among the more interesting is a remarkable close-up (taken within 2,000 miles) of an asteroid named Lutetia.

Be sure to click on each image to embiggen.

‘Tis the Season

You can have your wassail, your Yule log, your figgy pudding; around here, nothing says “Christmas” quite like a little Bob Dylan:

[audio:https://helveticka.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/07-The-Christmas-Blues1.mp3|titles=07 The Christmas Blues]

The Solution to American Obesity

Alas, it won’t be in time for Christmas, but it appears that a U.S. importer is set to bring haggis-flavored potato chips to our shores.

According to my copy of Brewer’s Dictionary of Phrase and Fable (18th ed.), haggis is a traditional Scottish dish “made from the heart, lungs and liver of a sheep or calf, chopped up with suet, oatmeal, onions and seasonings, and boiled like a big sausage in a sheep’s stomach bag.”

Delicious.

Gervase Markham, in his English Housewife (1615), has more to say:

…and this small oatmeal mixed blood and the Liver of either Calfe, Sheep or Swine maketh that pudding which is called haggas, or haggus, of whose goodness, it is in vain to boast because there is hardly to be found a man that does not affect them.

By the way, the chips won Product of the Year at the 2010 Scottish Food and Drink Excellence Awards.

May I Tactfully Suggest…

The phrase “take a different tact” seems to be rearing its ugly head more often these days. Perhaps I’m more sensitive than most to the dissonant clang it makes upon the ears; maybe it’s because I’m doomed to spend a lot of time with people who like the way my face contorts every time they say it.

So let’s just go ahead and fix it, shall we?

The correct phrase is “take a different tack.” Tack is a nautical term for the position of a vessel relative to the trim of its sails. Tacking is the act of bringing a ship into the wind in order to change course or direction.

Get it? A new approach is a different tack. But it doesn’t always require tact.

Corporate Chronology

Which came first, Coke or Pepsi? Wal-Mart or Kmart? Take the quiz over at Mental Floss—some of the answers may surprise you.

It Just Keeps Getting Better

Courtesy of the inestimable Mike Miller—who might very well be The Smartest Person Alive— the last word now has an audio player. Which means it’s easier than ever for y’all to taste our sweet beats.

Go on, now. Get the party started:

[audio:https://helveticka.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/01-What-Is-Hip_.mp3|titles=01 What Is Hip_]

Hemingway Would Be Proud

So let me set the scene. It was the happy hour portion of AMD’s holiday gathering last week. We were at a downtown establishment enjoying various spirits when our writer, Aaron Bragg, was given a manly test. Choosing from among twenty-one offerings on the menu, I ordered him a Scotch—neat. As a whisky aficionado (as well as bourbon), his challenge was to identify which Scotch he was about to imbibe.

He quickly determined it was a blend (certainly not a single malt!), thus narrowing his choices down to four brands. Sensing the quality of the product, he casually eliminated two groups—Dewars and Cutty Sark (a little too easy)—leaving only Chivas Regal’s 12- and 18-year-old blends and Johnnie Walker’s red, black, and blue labels.

Apparently, it wasn’t sweet enough to be a Chivas. (At this point, we’re all beginning to wonder just how much Scotch this man drinks.) So it’s now down to Johnnie Walker. But which one?

More swirls and sips followed, confirming it had been aged at least ten years (Red is way too young, you see), and narrowing it down to the Black (aged at least 12 years) and Blue (age not given, but generally understood to be more than 20 years, apparently). He stroked his goatee, took the final delightful sips, and, declaring it was “smooth as a baby’s butt,” gave us his answer: Johnnie Walker Blue Label.

Amazing! Now at $29 a glass, I don’t think this is his usual pour. But keeping your manly writer happy is a good thing. And on this evening, the best Scotch on the menu made him as happy as he could be.

All Hail the Octothorpe!

The National Post’s Robert Fulford has the goods on “one of the great comeback stories in the history of competitive punctuation.”

Personally, I’ve never been much of a fan of the #, as I find it a bit inelegant and unwieldy. And the fact that it owes its resurrection to something as inane as Twitter, whose users—Twits?—had the cheek to rename it a “hashtag,” makes me even less likely to employ it.

These days, however, it’s nice to see punctuation used at all.

When Good Brands Go Bad

WalletPop takes a look at what happened when nine smart brands made dumb decisions—and how those companies ultimately caved to consumers’ hue and cry. Scroll down to the end of the article to read about three similar scenarios—but where, instead, the companies said, “Up yours.”

Uncle Milton Knows Best

As some of you may know by now, I’m a big fan of the graphic designer Milton Glaser. (His famous Bob Dylan poster is proudly displayed in our office; books by and about him are within easy reach even as I write this.)

For me, Glaser embodies all that is possible with design, and perhaps what’s possible for designers. The documentary film Milton Glaser: To Inform and Delight provides a wonderful insight into his own imagination and process. It’s a great gift idea for all of your sophisticated friends – or you can just take them to the MAC this coming Wednesday when the Spokane International Film Festival screens it at the Eric A. Johnston Auditorium.

Take a look around Uncle Milton’s website. You’ll see lots of beautiful work, some of which can be purchased from the master himself. And on the home page, there’s a short video clip about his 50-year association with the School of Visual Arts in New York City.

If Hitler Hated It, It’s Gotta Be Good

Pieces of art labeled “degenerate” by the Nazis and seized from German museums in the 1930s—and missing ever since—turned up last January as workers were digging near Berlin’s City Hall. They’re now on exhibit at the Neues Museum, just a stone’s throw from the Deutsches Historisches Museum. Which, ironically, is where a Hitler exhibition is currently underway.

The New York Times has the story.

In related news, a French electrician has revealed that he’s in possession of 271 previously unknown Picassos. Apparently, that’s how Pablo paid his bills.

Roll Over Beethoven

Alex Ross poses an interesting question: We have embraced the avant-garde in other art forms; why not music?

For a taste of what he’s talking about, here’s Jonathan Nott conducting the Berlin Philharmonic in a performance of György Ligeti’s Atmosphères (Teldec 8573882612).

Give it a minute or two to load. You won’t be disappointed.

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