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Stop! Grammar Time!

Let’s talk about anyway, any way, and anyways. Because there is, in fact, a difference.

Anyway is an adverb that means “regardless” or “nevertheless.”

Though Skooch apologized for being late with the coffee, Aaron beat him anyway.

It can also signify that a story is being resumed.

Anyway, I think Shirlee has been partaking in the Devil’s lettuce on her lunch breaks.

Any way, on the other hand, is a phrase that refers to method or means.

Courtney suddenly realized that the key to her success was to emulate Aaron any way she could.

Note that, in the above example, in any manner could replace any way.

As for anyways, well…it’s best to drop the s. Though it may have its roots in Middle English (a corruption of anywise), these days it’s generally considered dialectal, and therefore not appropriate in formal writing.

Happy Thursday, Everyone

While police are investigating reports of zombie raccoons in Youngstown, Ohio, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is “surprised by the extent of the spread” of virtually untreatable “nightmare bacteria.” Meanwhile, mothers are resorting to tasers to get their kids to church, disgruntled baseball fans are hurling fried chicken at underperforming players, and Jesus himself, apparently no longer able to perform miracles, has to rob Pizza Hut for sustenance.

There’s good news, though: The word “but” just might save us all.

Miscellany

Today’s miscellany is all about music. So if you don’t dig on tunes, you can go ahead and stop reading right now. But then, if you don’t dig on tunes, we can’t possibly be friends, which means you wouldn’t be reading this blog anyway.

“I played Carnegie Hall twice before I was 13,” says Saul Chandler. “If I could forget about music I would.”

Speaking of Carnegie Hall performances: “At one point, an older woman approached the stage, took off a shoe, and banged it on the stage, imploring the ensemble…to stop.”

And speaking of disastrous openings, there’s a new recording of Brian Ferneyhough’s La Terre Est Un Homme. You can listen to a live performance from 2011 here. (You’re gonna want to turn up the volume.)

And speaking of revolutionary radicals, want to take a stab at guessing who “the most perfectly original composer of the past 200 years” might be? Would you believe…Debussy? Me neither.

Eight of Thirty

Using a handy Polaroid Spectra camera, I took a series of “clowning around” photos of visitors to our design office in early 1989. I have no idea why—or where I came up with the silly clown mask worn by some brave clients, salesmen, printers, typesetting and art supply delivery folks, friends, and family. Somehow that mask just made me laugh. It still does, nearly 30 years later.

Seven of Thirty

During annual report season, we’d always look for a good location to photograph the company’s top executives. We’d get permission to roam around the headquarters—or an off-site location—with the client and the photographer (in this case, J. Craig Sweat) to take a few test portraits.

This 35mm film strip and enlarged test photo were taken in early 1990 for The Washington Water Power Company (now Avista). That’s me (left) with the client’s project manager, Pat Lynch. We’re doing our best imitation of both the chairman of the board/CEO and the president/COO. The actual executive photo is above Pat and me, in a spread from the the company’s 1989 annual report. Remarkably, even the hand positions are similar.

Quote of the Day

“Good work is always rare, because the iron law of talent is that a few have a lot, some have some, and most have none.”

Richard Brookhiser

Six of Thirty

A trip to the print shop to check and sign off on paper stock, colors, and registration still happens, but less so with the advent of digital printing. Offset printing—now reserved for larger-quantity projects—still requires us to ensure that the quality of printing meets our satisfaction. Having a good loupe to check the four-color process and spot color ink alignments is critical. When I was making press checks, I never left the office without my Betaview 10X.

And while the pressmen always gave me grief about my homemade pretty pink shoestring lanyard, I never misplaced my loupe. It’s kind of funny how once you start looking at printing that closely—right down to a gnat’s ass—nobody pokes fun of you anymore.

We’re Way Ahead of You, Mr. Smarty-Pants

Spring 2016. A blog post by yours truly rails against the pernicious misuse of the word curate.

Spring 2018. Wilfred M. McClay, “noted public intellectual,” rails against the pernicious misuse of the word curate.

Further evidence—as if any were needed—that my unique blend of informed commentary and witty repartee is years ahead of the curve. And that at the very least I, too, deserve the same sobriquet as the late, great Bobby Heenan. And that I should be handsomely compensated for my services, obviously.

Send all donations to helveticka world headquarters, c/o Aaron “The Brain” Bragg.

You’re welcome, everyone.

The Norks have nukes, there’s an Oompa Loompa in the White House, and Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreos are a thing. It’s enough to cause even the most stoical among us to despair.

But hey, we here at helveticka are a creative bunch. When a client comes to us with a seemingly intractable problem, we put our heads together and solve it. So I asked the best and the brightest around the office for help with the following:

“The world would be a much better place if…”

Based on the responses, I’d say we nailed it:

Linda “…fields of cotton were actually made up of tiny balls of cotton candy.”

Courtney “…every single person did at least one kind thing for another each day, giving us a daily reminder to be more selfless.”

Steven “…we lived in a virtual reality world where everything we thought instantly materialized, like the Construct in The Matrix.”

Michelle “…we could all just get along, if there was more sunshine, if we lived for today, if there were more happy endings, if we drank more wine, and if we were all as awesome as Aaron except on the days when he asks me to do stupid crap like this.”

Aaron “…more people listened to the Grateful Dead.”

(And yes, we can deduce from this that Linda is a fantasist, Courtney an idealist, Steven a solipsist, and Michelle a monologuist. As for me, well…I’m the only one offering a practicable solution. So call me a realist.)

Five of Thirty

Back in the day (here we go again), we’d receive photo contact sheets—made directly from the photographer’s black and white or color negatives—that enabled us to review and select a final image. We’d use a loupe to see the details and photo croppers to determine, or verify, the final crop. Then we’d order up a print from the photographer.

Knowing your final image size, you could take the photographer’s print or transparency (35mm, 2.25″ or 4″x5″), lay your cropper on top, and determine the photo’s percentage of enlargement or reduction to be scanned for printing. Photo croppers—both small (above) and large—were never far from our drawing tables. Simple and easy to operate, they were a great invention. But like many such tools of the trade, completely unnecessary today.

The voice of one crying in the wilderness…

Lionel Shriver bravely tackles the “cultural appropriation” mob over at Prospect magazine. “Given that the better part of the human race is crazy, stupid, or both,” she writes, “there’s nary a thought in the world whose airing won’t offend somebody.”

She’s right, of course. The problem, though, is that those in thrall to this sort of nonsense aren’t inclined to listen to reason. In fact, they’re probably taking to social media right now to denounce her.

The Decline and Fall of Western Civilization in 33 Words

Look, I’ve written some pretty cool stuff in my time. But even if I live to be 100, I know I’ll never craft anything as gloriously and breathtakingly awesome as this headline:

Former Freemason, 51, found drunk and naked inside a huge pipe organ with a toy gun and remote-controlled police car says he got lost while trying to hand out cheeseburgers to the homeless

Think I’m making it up? If only. Here’s the story.

Monday Miscellany

“Contrary to popular opinion,” writes Ian Bogost in the Atlantic, “malls are great, and they always were.”

Did you know that more than a thousand words—e.g. mule deer, prairie dog, snowberry—appeared for the first time in Lewis and Clark’s journals? Neither did I.

Postcards and propaganda.

Ah, the five-paragraph essay: “a form that is chillingly familiar to anyone who has attended high school in the US.” It’s “dysfunctional – to say nothing of off-putting, infantilising and intellectually arid.”

Speaking of essays, Marilynne Robinson has some thoughts on freedom of conscience.

Four of Thirty

Okay, kids: Time for another lesson in old-school design techniques.

Transfer type used to be a big deal. You would run over to the art supply store, pore over the available Letraset typestyles, then purchase a sheet of instant lettering. Using a burnisher, you would rub down each character, one at a time, to transfer it to your art board (hence the name “transfer type”—pretty clever, huh?). All you had to do was align the horizontal tic marks under each letter to your blue line guide and start burnishing.

Transfer type was great in a pinch, either as a way to put together a quick layout or when you needed to use it as a basis for a special type treatment or logo design. Over the years, we collected dozens of partially used Letraset pages, each one a different font size.

That’s a handy pica pole (a lesson for another time) above, along with typestyles we picked up at one of our favorite typesetting vendors back in the 1980s and early 90s: Type Unlimited. Thanks to Steve Jobs, they, along with countless others, went out of business when designers fell in love with Apple’s then-new desktop publishing tools.

Music for the Month of February

So we’re midway through Black History Month, which can be pretty intimidating for white folk like me in an era in which a word like “racism” has lost all meaning – and when the concept of “privilege” has become completely unmoored from reality.

How do we celebrate? Should we? Dare we, lest we offend someone?

This isn’t the place to get into all that, I reckon. So let me offer up a recommendation: Wadada Leo Smith’s Ten Freedom Summers, an epic four-and-a-half-hour composition that took Smith more than 30 years to complete. It’s hard to describe, but the entry on the Pulitzer website does a pretty good job: “An expansive jazz work that memorializes 10 key moments in the history of civil rights in America, fusing composed and improvised passages into powerful, eloquent music.”

 

BBC Music’s Daniel Spicer wrote that  “is a spiritual call to action, a powerful argument not just for civil rights but for universal human rights; a vision not just of a better America, but a better humanity; a plea for compassion and, yes, love.”

“It’s a major work for Mr. Smith,” sums up Ben Ratliff at the New York Times, “and for the ambitious and experimental end of post-Coltrane jazz he represents, the kind of music in which intuitive and collective improvising meets strict notation.”

As for me, well…I find Freedom utterly mesmerizing. I have a few of Smith’s recordings; this, I think, is his most personal. His trumpet playing is at once plaintive and elegiac, clean and pure, soulful and beautiful – punctuated, at times, by appropriately righteous anger. And though the scope of the work itself is massive, I tend to think of the individual pieces themselves as meditations; intimate reflections on a time in our history that can best be described through Huxley’s dictum that, “after silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.”

It’s a truly remarkable achievement.

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