tartle (verb; Scottish) To hesitate in recognizing a person or thing.

“Good morning, Courtney,” said Aaron cheerfully as he arrived at the office.

“I’m sorry,” Courtney replied. “And you are…?”

An uncomfortable silence ensued. Wiping a tear from his cheek, Aaron retreated to his desk, head down and spirit crushed. Am I really so forgettable? he wondered. Clearly, my life is meaningless. He drew a pistol from his desk drawer, chambered a round, and slowly brought the muzzle up to his temple.

“Don’t worry, buddy,” said Skooch, patting him reassuringly on the shoulder. “I’m sure she just tartled.”

posted by: Aaron Bragg  |  category: the writing life  |  make a comment

“Just as much as synthesizers, hairspray and record sleeves in the Russian abstract style,” writes Paul Genders at TLS Online, “a major marker of the pop of the early 1980s and late 1970s, particularly British pop, was bookishness.”

He continues: “To anyone studying the downloads charts today—where you will search in vain for echoes of the English Renaissance stage or the Penguin Classics backlist—this idea will probably seem quite bizarre.”

Without waxing too nostalgic, I think he’s right. It’s not that no one else is making literate pop any more; it’s just that, these days, they’re “occasional activities largely on pop’s settled, adult-orientated fringes.”

For proof, listen to an hour or so of SiriusXM’s 1st Wave channel—The Cure, Joy Division, Depeche Mode, Spandau Ballet, Kate Bush—then spend five minutes on Channel 2 (Today’s Pop Hits!). It’s downright depressing.

What does it mean that books and writers no longer inspire popular music to the extent they did just a generation ago? I dunno. It feels like a loss, though.

posted by: Aaron Bragg  |  category: the writing life  |  make a comment

“No one ever taught me how to write, and I’ve never made a study of writing techniques. So how did I learn to write? From listening to music. And what’s the most important thing in writing? It’s rhythm. No one’s going to read what you write unless it’s got rhythm.”

Haruki Murakami, Absolutely on Music: Converations with Seiji Ozawa (Knopf, 2016)

posted by: Aaron Bragg  |  category: the writing life  |  make a comment

I vividly recall the thrill of discovering Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony—with Toscanini conducting the NBC orchestra and the Robert Shaw Chorale—as an eight-year-old child. I also remember the first time, at 15, hearing Miles Davis’s intro to “Autumn Leaves” on the 1958 Cannonball Adderley album Somethin’ Else. And I’ll never forget how the genre-defying Yr, by Steve Tibbetts, introduced me to an entirely different way of thinking about guitar technique.

I bring these up because today marks the 30th anniversary of the release of U2’s career-defining touchstone, The Joshua Tree. To my mind, it’s a perfect album; a masterpiece not only of its time, but for all time. It made me realize that art can be found in the popular—something I would have vehemently denied up to that point—and that U2 could make serious (and seriously beautiful) music. It’s hard for me to even conceive of my sophomore year in college without this record.

Unfortunately, U2 pretty much peaked in 1987. Sure, Achtung Baby was good. But it wasn’t perfect. And by then I’d grown tired of the pretense and earnestness that, thanks to the likes of Bono and Sting, had become hallmarks of the era. But man, after listening to The Joshua Tree this morning—for the first time in a very long time—I still say it’s a masterpiece; a work of art that’s every bit as breathtaking today as it was 30 years ago.

posted by: Aaron Bragg  |  category: random thoughts  |  make a comment

Wandering the aisles of Target over the weekend, I came across this curiosity: a section of products developed for the care of “multicultural hair.” What, pray tell, does that mean?

Turns out I’m not the only one confused. In its page on multicultural hair care, Sally Beauty trips all over itself in an effort to not assign certain hair types to certain ethnicities, saying, without a trace of irony, “Don’t look at your skin tone, take good [sic] look at your hair!”

OK. Then don’t call it “multicultural hair care.”

I shouldn’t be surprised. The English language has really taken a beating over the last 20–30 years. Diversity used to mean difference or unlikeness; now it seems to apply only to varying degrees of melanin content rather than actual differences in philosophy, experience, worldview, education, religion, or socio-economic background.

Hate is another one. To a growing number of individuals, it now means “expressing an opinion I don’t like.” Then there’s justice, the latest dilution of which must surely be vexing to the Super Friends.

So what’s the solution? I dunno. Everyone tells me that English changes, and I should just get on board with it. Maybe so. But that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.

posted by: Aaron Bragg  |  category: the writing life  |  make a comment

How much pee is in our swimming pools? Up to 75 liters, it turns out. Which seems like a lot—until you realize that it’s only about .009 percent.

Which seems positively infinitesimal, until you realize that .009 percent is about four teaspoons of pee in a 55-gallon drum of water. Would you drink from that? Me neither.

Here’s a little more perspective:

•  rivers and lakes make up about .009 percent of Earth’s water
•  .009 percent is the CPSC’s limit for lead in paint or surface coatings
•  driving impairment can begin at blood alcohol levels as low as .009 percent

On the other hand, back in October, “analytics guru and political prognosticator” Nate Silver claimed that only about .009 percent of the world’s data is actually useful—while at the same time predicting that the Cubs would lose the 2016 World Series and that Democrats would win a majority of U.S. Senate seats in the upcoming election.

Guess Mr. Silver should’ve paid closer attention to the less-useful 99.991 percent.

posted by: Aaron Bragg  |  category: random thoughts  |  make a comment

In an effort to “establish, once and for all, the absolute best fast food items in America” the fine folks over at The Ringer have thoughtfully provided a list of the top 50. And while they’re mostly correct, I think it’s important that we right a couple of obvious wrongs.

First of all, this is America, not France. A hamburger of some sort should top any list of the best fast food. As much as I love Chick-Fil-A waffle fries, their position at no. 1 tells me the Ringer team isn’t taking this job all that seriously.

Second, McDonald’s fries have a half-life measured in nano-seconds. Sure, they’re delicious at first—but as they cool, they begin to take on a chalky texture, and after about a minute they’re are all but inedible. Their no. 3 ranking can only mean that those who participated in the survey were drunk.

As for the rest, it’s…pretty spot-on, though I’d rank both the Egg McMuffin and KFC chicken higher and remove Chipotle entirely from consideration (seems a bit shi shi for this list). And where’s my beloved ButterBurger?

In the same spirit, we conducted a totally scientific study here at helveticka world headquarters to determine, “once and for all,” the best local hamburger joint. By “local” we mean anything worth driving to; by “hamburger” we mean pretty much anything but the hoity-toity $15 offerings featured in a recent Spokesman-Review article.

Here are the results:

Zip’s
Sporty’s
Wolffy’s
Burger Royal
Ron’s

Maybe next week we’ll tackle the region’s best breakfast.

posted by: Aaron Bragg  |  category: random thoughts  |  make a comment

Here’s how an idea for an illustration begins. After copy is written, a super-quick chicken-scratch is created on literally any nearby surface, using whatever colored markers are within reach—followed by a reasonably focused iPhone photo that’s immediately emailed to the artist. Total elapsed time? Maybe 90 seconds, if that.

These sketches are usually done while on the phone with the illustrator discussing the concept. In this case, that would be our long-time, Seattle-based collaborator Don Baker. He can take any half-baked idea and make it beautiful (which, of course, is the magical part).

Here are three examples of Don’s work:

posted by: CK Anderson  |  category: the design life  |  comments(1)