So the mean temperature in Spokane this last Saturday was 7°F. And Sunday was even colder. But that didn’t prevent me from stepping out onto the frozen tundra with the intrepid Rosie to take in a few lungfuls of brisk arctic air. How did I manage, you ask?

Two words: butter tea.

Stay with me here. It’s been scientifically proven that butter makes everything better, so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that it’s the perfect accompaniment to a cup of tea. Plus, the Tibetans have been drinking it that way for more than a thousand years. The problem is, they use yak butter, which is…somewhat difficult to track down around here. But I came up with a workaround, adapted from Carolyn Phillips’s magisterial All Under Heaven:

4 TBS Pu-erh tea leaves (you can pick this up locally at Lorien on South Perry)
1 cup heavy cream (or whole milk if the fat content freaks you out)
4 TBS high-quality salted butter (Trader Joe’s has a delicious water buffalo variety)
pinch of salt

Add the tea to 5 cups of boiling water and simmer for 10–15 minutes, depending on the strength you desire. Strain. Blend the liquid with the cream, butter, and salt. Serve immediately. Experience Nirvana. (No, not that one. This one.)

Seriously, folks, you need to try this. Warms you up from the inside out while providing you with the kind of caloric energy you need to make it to spring.

posted by: Aaron Bragg  |  category: random thoughts  |  make a comment

From the Department of Redundancies Department: Local residents reject Swiss citizenship request of an “annoying” vegan with a “big mouth.”

HAL turns 24 today:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgkyrW2NiwM

Exquisitely detailed 16th-century Gothic miniatures, each carved by hand from a single piece of boxwood.

Americans still read. (And as for print versus e-readers and tablets, it’s not even close.)

“[P]rofanity evolved within the spontaneous order we call language to perform certain functions. Eliminate profanity and you’ll eliminate those functions, making language less powerful.” Damn straight.

posted by: Aaron Bragg  |  category: random thoughts  |  make a comment

Regular reader Mike W. (not his real name) has a question: “Is it all right to use alright instead of all right?”

No, Mike W. It’s not.

What—you were expecting more? That’s…pretty much it. I mean, sure, it’s confusing. This is just one of those times when you have to remember that it’s two words, not one. Sorry.

Got a burning grammar question? Write it on the back of a used $100 bill and drop it in the mail. Questions are answered in the order received.

posted by: Aaron Bragg  |  category: the writing life  |  make a comment

In the U.S. alone, there are trillions of coins in circulation. When taking into account the rest of the world, that number could easily be in the quadrillions. Some of them range from the downright bizarre (like Somalia’s 3D geometric coins) to the traditional circular. And all of them have different designs. So really, it was only a matter of time before we came across one that we could write a blog about.

So in walks the 1980 Swiss 5-franc coin that CK received for Christmas this year. Designed by Paul Burkhard, who lived from 1888-1964, this coin contains both a lot of history and small details. Burkhard designed the coin in the early 1920s, and the same design is still being used today. On the edge of the coin “*** DOMINUS PROVIDEBIT **********” is printed, which is Latin for “The Lord will provide.” The really fascinating part comes on the side of the coin with the portrait of William Tell — yes, the same William Tell known for shooting an apple off his son’s head with a crossbow. Tell is a Swiss folk hero known for bringing unity to Switzerland, a story that inspired Gioachino Rossini to write the William Tell Overture.

 The phrase “Confoederatio Helvetica” accompanies Tell’s portrait. It’s the official name for the country of Switzerland. The reason it’s in Latin is because Switzerland has four national languages, and they didn’t want to show favoritism toward one or the other. It’s also the reason for their country code on their license plates, as well as the URL extension for Swiss websites.

posted by: Steven Kutsch  |  category: random thoughts  |  make a comment

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, sure, but it’s awfully hard to enjoy it when so many people have so many incorrect opinions about Christmas. So, as a public service, I’ve provided some guidance in a few important areas. It’s our hope here at helveticka world headquarters that, armed with the following information, your holiday will be “the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny [redacted] Kaye.”

Top 5 Christmas Movies of All Time

Die Hard
Christmas Vacation
It’s a Wonderful Life
White Christmas
Elf

5 Most Delicious Christmas Treats

stollen
shortbread
gingerbread
sugar cookies
fudge

5 Best Adult Beverages to Consume (in Moderation) on Christmas

glögg
single malt Scotch, neat
Trinidad sour
hot buttered rum
Irish coffee

5 Most Thoughtful Presents to Give Aaron (from lowest to highest price)

this
this
this
this
this

5 Worst Christmas Songs Ever

“Do They Know It’s Christmas” Band Aid
“Wonderful Christmastime” Paul McCartney
“Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” John & Yoko / The Plastic Ono Band
“Last Christmas” Wham!
anything by Mariah Carey or Celine Dion

posted by: Aaron Bragg  |  category: random thoughts  |  make a comment

“Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas”? While schools and businesses are far more inclined to use the former lest they offend someone, it turns out that, on this issue anyway, the United States is actually, you know…united.

According to Pew Research Center, 92% of Americans celebrate Christmas. A whopping 81% of non-Christians—including 87% of those with no religion, 76% of Asian-American Buddhists, and 73% of Hindus—also celebrate the holiday. Heck, nearly a third of U.S. Jews had a Christmas tree in their homes during the 2012 holiday season.

What’s more, when asked how stores should greet customers over the holidays, nearly half of Americans say it really doesn’t matter. “Merry Christmas” is preferred by 42%; 12% would rather hear “Happy Holidays.”

And this is all happening as the percentage of Christians in America is actually dropping.

So basically we have a cranky minority—around one in ten—who’s at least indirectly responsible for the terrible clichés we see every year on corporate Christmas holiday cards. Not to mention for creating a situation in which this sort of nonsense is taken seriously.

So go ahead. Say whatever you like. Chances are pretty good the recipient of your chosen holiday greeting will be totally fine with it. Even if it is “Merry Christmas.”

posted by: Aaron Bragg  |  category: random thoughts  |  make a comment

The first step, they say, is admitting you have a problem. Mine is albums and books—as in purchasing too damn many of both.

About halfway through this year I decided to exercise a little more control. I’ve got books on my shelves that I haven’t read yet, after all, and albums that I don’t even remember buying.

I know what you’re thinking: “But Aaron, how will I know what to think (and buy for all my music-loving friends this Christmas) without your annual review of the year’s best music?” Fear not. I didn’t say I quit cold turkey, did I?

So here are ten noteworthy albums from 2016:

Animals as Leaders—The Madness of Many
Brian Eno—The Ship
iamthemorning—lighthouse
Old Fire—Songs from the Haunted South
Opeth—Sorcerer
Red Fang—Only Ghosts
Steven Wilson—4½
Toska—Ode to the Author
Vijay Iyer and Wadada Leo Smith—A Cosmic Rhythm with Each Stroke
various artists—Day of the Dead

Oddly enough, there’s not a whole lot of diversity in this year’s list. Four are metal (two of which are instrumental), three are prog-ish pop/rock, one is ambient/pop, one is jazz, and one is a box set of Grateful Dead covers. But as Miles Davis once said, there are only two kinds of music: good and bad. And these, folks, are all good.

posted by: Aaron Bragg  |  category: random thoughts  |  make a comment

I’m usually the first one in the office—sometimes by only 10 minutes or so, sometimes by a full hour. It’s the best time of day for catching up on emails, preparing for a meeting, getting ahead of a deadline. And, of course, for a little poetry.

Lately I’ve been working my way through Donald Hall’s Essays After Eighty. (Look, I know that essays aren’t poetry, but Hall is a former poet laureate, so it still counts, okay?)

Anyway, in “Thank You Thank You,” he writes about how it’s all right to be pleased when an audience loves you, but that you shouldn’t let it go to your head, saying that “it is best to believe the praiser and dismiss the praise.” Good advice. Hall goes on:

Poets have no notion of their own durability or distinction. When poets announce that their poems are immortal, they are depressed or lying or being psychotic. Interviewing T. S. Eliot, I saved my cheekiest question for last. “Do you know you’re any good?” His revised and printed response was formal, but in person he was abrupt: “Heavens no! Do you? Nobody intelligent knows if he’s any good.”

These days, that’s a downright countercultural response.

posted by: Aaron Bragg  |  category: the writing life  |  make a comment