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Today’s Lesson

In just four months, Lorri Johnston has quickly proven her worth to AMD, tackling the issues the rest of us are afraid to address. Just this morning, in fact, between mouthfuls of leftover Halloween candy (thoughtfully provided by our good friends at ILF Media), she contemplated the lowly Milk Dud.

“Why,” she asked, “would you name something so delicious a dud?”

Truly, I felt as if I were in the presence of a Zen master—for this was no simple question, but a kōan meant to provoke the “great doubt.” She was testing me.

A quick glance in my American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language merely reinforced the paradox:

dud  n.  1.  A bomb, shell, or explosive round that fails to detonate.  2.  Informal One that is disappointingly ineffective or unsuccessful.

Clearly, further meditation was needed. On to Wikipedia:

According to the manufacturer, the word “Milk” in the name refers to the large amount of milk in the product; the use of “Dud” came about because the original aim of having a perfectly round piece was found to be impossible.

So the Milk Dud is both a failure and a tasty treat! My analytic intellect is exhausted, my will spent; I am one step closer to enlightenment.

So Whose Is It, Then?

How did I miss this story? A guy on the loose with someone else’s groin in his pants?!?

“A suspect found inside a Les Schwab Tire store in Spokane Valley after an alarm went off told deputies it was neither his groin nor his meth found in his groin area they recovered after arresting him Wednesday.”

It was bad enough we had to worry about our kidneys getting stolen for the Chinese black market; now we have to guard our groins as well?

A Day in the Life at AMD

I’m often asked whether my job is as glamorous as it sounds. “What’s it really like,” people ask, “to be part of a highly creative team that regularly challenges the status quo with arresting design and provocative copy?”

Until alert reader “Spimbi” sent along this Dilbert cartoon, I’ve been unable to adequately answer that.

The Economy’s Worse than We Thought

According to President Obama’s Twitter feed, even the executive branch is having to cut back:

No word from the president yet as to whether his economic plan will lead to more affordable women.

Urine Luck!

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No Sleep for You!

With Halloween just around the corner, I got a little excited when I saw a link to “A Highbrow Halloween Reading List.” It’s a little disappointing, though, not least because there’s no Lovecraft. (Here‘s one of my favorites of his.)

But for a truly horrifying tale—the kind that gives you the heebie-jeebies from the very first word—you can’t go wrong with Algernon Blackwood’s The Willows. Several e-book versions are available (FREE!) at Project Gutenberg. Read it…if you dare.

“Everything has an end; only the sausage has two.”

Feel like you’re geting the rough end of the pineapple? Don’t worry—you may yet land with your bum in the butter. These and other delicious food idioms are chronicled over at The Guardian‘s Word of Mouth blog.

When Life Imitates The Onion®

Posting’s been a little light of late, mostly on accounta we’ve been busier than a blind dog in a meat house. Until this caught my eye, anyway: Man with Mahler Photo Complains of Pressure from Schoenbergs. Clearly it was time for a breather.

Turns out that Cliff Fraser, a 35-year-old Los Angeles emergency room technician and college student, has in his possession a signed photograph of Gustav Mahler—and Arnold Schoenberg’s heirs want it. The best part of the story? The very last paragraph:

Mr. Fraser said that since finding the photo he had learned a lot about both Schoenberg and Mahler, and something else as well. “I’m not a very big fan of their music,” he said. “I tried, but it just doesn’t work for me.”

Okay, then. Back to work.

It Tolls for Thee

My daughter told me a joke the other day:

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“To.”
“To who?”
“To whom.”

Pretty good, right? Of course, you have to actually care about the distinction between who and whom to think it’s funny. Which brings us to this post over at The Economist‘s website, one of the points of which is that “[t]he unease over whom just makes people avoid it more.”

For you geeks out there, it’s who for subjects, whom for objects. But most of us don’t want to get all that involved with determining subjects and objects—including me. So I just stick to a rule I first learned from William F. Buckley, Jr.: follow a preposition with whom (to whom, by whom, for whom, et al.). Use who everywhere else. Seems to work.

Spokane Scene no. 6

Eager patrons stand in line at the loukoumades truck at the 77th annual Greek Dinner Festival last Friday. Hosted by Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church, the event features an incredible menu, bakery items, church tours, dancing, and, of course, the aforementioned loukoumades—little puffs of deep-fried goodness that once were served by the ancient Greeks to Olympic champions.

Immodesty, Thy Name Is Facebook

One more post about Facebook, then I’m done. For reals.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=AkH2coBaQUQ

Try to watch this without laughing. Go on—I dare you. It’s a bit cheeky coming from a company that lost $50 billion in share value in a little over three months, don’t you think?

But what’s worse is the grandiosity of it all. Does Facebook really think it’s the only thing that stands between us and a “vast” and “dark” universe? “We make the tools and services that allow people to feel human, get together, open up,” explains head of consumer marketing Rebecca Van Dyck. C’mon. Who honestly believes that? (Besides Wieden & Kennedy, the ad agency that foisted this bombastic load of navel-gazing codswallop on us.)

The seriousness with which this company takes itself is mind-boggling. But I think it’s really just a larger symptom of the way in which agencies and design firms—and their clients—have come to fetishize brand. It’s not enough to have a billion people actively using your product (which in and of itself is a truly remarkable feat); no, you’ve got to get all metaphysical on us. Hey Facebook: You’re a social networking site. That’s all. Now, go earn your shareholders some money.

With Friends Like These…

I was on Facebook once. It lasted about six months. I made connections with a couple of old high school friends I hadn’t seen for 20-some years, but that was about all I got out of it. What ultimately drove me away was the ceaseless torrent of political commentary that was less about actual conversation than it was about intellectual and emotional bullying.

But even the bullying would’ve been at least somewhat tolerable if it weren’t for the condescension and contempt with which “friends” treated those whose only crime was—gasp!—disagreeing with them.

So what gives? Elizabeth Bernstein has some thoughts on what makes us so aggressive online, and how social media turns otherwise decent folk into insufferable jerks:

Most of us present an enhanced image of ourselves on Facebook. This positive image—and the encouragement we get, in the form of “likes”—boosts our self-esteem. And when we have an inflated sense of self, we tend to exhibit poor self-control.

Keith Wilcox, a professor at Columbia and one of the co-authors of a study linking Facebook use with everything from higher body mass to lower credit scores, adds that this type of behavior is “often displayed by people impaired by alcohol.”

Sounds about right to me.

On Prescriptivists and Descriptivists

Should dictionaries tell you how language should be used? Or should they simply report on language as it’s actually being used?

While in general I prefer a prescriptivist (the “how” party) approach, it seems that there’s certainly room for compromise. Over at The Weekly Standard—in an article chock full of awesome word geekery—David Skinnner agrees, and reveals the “spirited prejudices” of both sides.

Friday Frivolity

Is there a better headline than “Buddhist ‘Iron Man’ found by Nazis is from space“? I don’t think so.

Monster alligators in Mississippi: “This is not the first record to come from Issaquena County and probably will not be the last.”

An oldie but goodie: The Illustrated Guide to a Ph.D.

First-prize winner at the April 1894 Covent Garden Fancy Dress Ball? The guy who went as a side of bacon, obviously.

And finally, alternative versions of famous monuments.

Happy Friday, everyone.

Quote of the Day

In a letter to his mother, T. E. Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia) extolled the virtues of a good book:

“…if you can get the right book at the right time you taste joys—not only bodily, physical, but spiritual also, which pass one out above and beyond one’s miserable self, as it were through a huge air, following the light of another man’s thought. And you can never be quite the old self again.”

Hard to imagine him waxing so passionate about a Kindle.

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