The truly jaw-dropping line in this story about pet plastic surgery isn’t the one about botox for Dobermans’ ears. Nor is it that “New Yorkers have spent up to $8,000 a month on pet ‘maintenance’ such as nail painting, shrinks, chiropractors and massages.”
No, it’s the casual mention of “testicular implants such as Neuticles to help neutered pets regain their masculinity.”
Neuticles, folks. That’s a thing. So of course I checked out their website.
“It’s like nothing ever changed,” reads the service-marked tagline for a product that “allows pets to retain their natural look, self esteem [sic].” Unsurprisingly, there’s a photo of one of the Kardashians on the home page.
So what’ll these set you back? NeuticalOriginals start at $109 a pair; NeuticalNaturals $254. But hey, your pet’s worth it: spring for the UltraPLUS models—with ScarRetard!—at only $399. Of course, that’s for the XX Small. If you’re truly worried about your pet’s self-esteem, you’re gonna want to get the XXL. It’s just another $70, after all, which seems like a small price to pay for all that swagger.
