Spend any time on the Internet and you’re bound to run into one of those Buzzfeed-type lists of The Very Worst Words in the English Language. In it you’ll find the usual suspects: moist, phlegm, smear, et al.
There’s one word that rarely makes the cut, however, and it’s a particularly appropriate one for Valentine’s Day (or, as the more rational among us might refer to it, Dumbest Holiday Ever™).
The word is lover, and it gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Not only is it a wee bit pretentious and French-sounding, it’s skin-crawlingly prurient in its imagery. It’s far too intimate and familiar; far too suggestive of the sorts of things you do behind closed doors that the rest of us don’t even want to think about you doing behind closed doors. Plus, there’s an air of illicitness around it: “I took a lover.” (Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.)
Then, of course, there’s this.
Please, for the love of all that is holy, stick to boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or spouse. Even partner, in all of its corporate-sounding efficiency, is better.
Thank you for your cooperation.
